Man in the Mirror
by OnceUponALullaby
Summary: Every day, Riku looks in the mirror and hates what he sees. For Kyashii.


**For Kyashii.

* * *

**

Man in the Mirror

Every day, Riku looks in the mirror and hates what he sees.

He can see them now, down by the dock. They are sitting side by side, shoulders brushing. Even as he looks, she laughs and throws back her head, and the boy next to her chuckles weakly, eyes trained on her face. Sora.

They've been best friends for as long as he can remember; even back in the diaper days he can remember ordering around a happy, blue-eyed child, face smiling in pleasant surprise at being deemed good enough to hang with the coolest person on the islands. They had grown up together; he had always beaten Sora at everything, and was an object of constant admiration. Riku had taught Sora to fight; Sora carved them both wooden swords to practice with. Riku had been there when Sora chipped a tooth trying to eat a rock. Sora had been there when Riku nearly drowned in the waterfall, too impatient to learn how to swim. They had gone through everything together. Sora was Riku's best friend.

* * *

When Sora was seven and Riku was eight, news spread that the mayor had adopted a mysterious girl. Selphie said she was beautiful, like a princess. And when Sora asked how she knew that, Selphie replied it was because Kairi - though they didn't know her name at the time - was her neighbor and already her best friend. (Selphie had always moved quickly, to be sure.)

Sora had been so excited, because the only girl he really even knew was Selphie herself, and she didn't even count, he said, because "everyone knows that she likes Tidus." To be honest, Riku was relieved that there was finally another girl in their group as well; it had always seemed awkward to him that Selphie was the only girl in their group of boys, and he was grateful that Selphie could find someone else to go to with all her disgustingly _girly_ problems.

The new girl eventually introduced herself as Kairi, and while she didn't seem very princess-like to Riku she was certainly sweet and caring and everything else Selphie said she was. He loved her like a sister, a little sister, one who was always there to cheer him up and help him move on. More importantly, _she _loved _him_ like a brother; she'd always pout and beg him to take her out for ice cream, and he'd roll his eyes and comply, walking her down to the parlor. He always made sure to hold her hand, because he was in _charge_ of her - she was an entire _year_ younger than him, after all. Still just a kid.

* * *

When Riku turned eleven, he set out to find Sora the moment he woke up; it was a birthday tradition of theirs to spend the day down in their Secret Place, a cave down by the shore they had discovered on one of their explorations. But when he got down there, he found Sora scratching a picture over one of the drawings that had been in the cave from before they found it. _(And they had both agreed to never, ever draw over _anything_, for Riku believed the old paintings were things of magic and not to be fooled with.)_ What made Riku even angrier was that it was a picture of Sora giving Kairi - _Kairi_, of all people - a paopu fruit. And they had both agreed that no girl would ever get in-between their friendship.

When he confronted Sora about it, it was like he wasn't even _listening_; his eyes had a glassy, dreamy look to them, and his cheeks were oddly flushed.

"Kairi _kissed_ me!" he exclaimed. "She _kissed_ me, right _here_." He pointed to his lips, looking utterly bemused. "She... she must think I'm such a _dork!_ I didn't kiss her back and she just ran off, Riku, just like _that_..."

How utterly _embarrassing_, Riku growled inwardly. Poor little Sora, worried over kissing a _girl_.

"She had no right to kiss you like that," he replied coldly. But Sora merely sighed longingly and went back to his drawing.

Riku's birthday was forgotten.

* * *

Riku stayed away from them after that. Oh, he still hung _out_ with them; _they_ didn't know anything was wrong, thought Riku was perfectly happy and content, didn't know that he was sick of the way Sora practically worshipped Kairi. He gravitated farther and farther away from his friends - when was the last time he'd played Blitz with Tidus and Wakka, when was the last time he'd sparred with _anybody_? - but the lovey-dovey natures of his two friends made him sick to his stomach. Sora had tried asking him what was wrong, and Riku had completely _lost_ it.

"_You would know!_" he had screamed, backhanding Sora across the cheek. "You and that- that _girl_, always following her around like a lost puppy...!" the tears were coming now, he could feel it. He ran back to shore, diving into the ocean and swimming pell-mell towards the little island a little ways off the beach. He looked back only once, and he saw Kairi, Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie looking at him with an expression of mixed disbelief and pity. Sora merely looked sad and afraid. It was all Riku could do not to cry.

* * *

By the time Riku hit fifteen, Sora and Kairi were the only ones who would talk to him anymore. And Kairi, everyone knew, was only there because of Sora. (Sora, however, seemed to be holding through with a surprising mix of stubbornness and frequent sugar binges.)

Riku could not have been more disgruntled when a new family moved to the islands. Sora claimed they were his distant cousins, which was a load of crap if you asked Riku, as Sora had never mentioned them before, and he normally flaunts any and all relations he has. There was a boy and a girl - the boy was Riku's age, and the girl was Sora's. And Riku was positively _dreading_ the day they would meet-

-which actually turned out to be the very day they moved in.

* * *

The boy was Roxas (weird name, if you asked Riku), and there was nothing to be said about him other than he was quiet and Riku didn't very much like him. The girl, however, introduced herself as Naminè, and it was her that Riku came to like best.

She was quiet, like her brother, and pale; on first sight Riku almost mistook her to be part of the bright white walls in their new home. She was very submissive, and easily frightened - when Riku finally noticed her, he sprung backwards as a reflex, and she flinched and drew back against her brother, who had glared rather heavily at the ceiling. And she always, always carried a sketchbook with her.

She was polite, made easy conversation, and was actually _girly, _something that Riku came to appreciate, because Selphie's kind of girliness made him want to scream, and Kairi seemed more tomboyish than anything. The best thing was, she seemed to understand his mixed feelings about Sora and Kairi.

As it happened, Naminè and Riku spent so much time together everyone else eventually assumed they were dating.

"I know you're together!" Sora had exclaimed, punching a stony Riku in the shoulder. "She's cute too, Ri, maybe even cuter than Kai-" he spluttered into silence, face growing red. "Anyways, she's cute. I'm happy for you, man."

Riku had wanted to punch Sora for that. Naminè was much more than a cute face, she was like the sister he never had _(almost like Kairi used to be_, his mind whispered), and he'd never, _never_ think of her as anything other than a strictly platonic friend.

"Have you tried telling him how you feel?" Naminè asked mildly, concentrating on a portrait she was drawing of Riku. "Maybe if you just got him to _listen_... and Riku, Kairi doesn't seem that terribly bad, have you ever thought that maybe you're just against her because of her relationship with Sora...?"

Riku had wanted to snarl, had wanted to tell her that she'd _never_ understand him, so it was useless to keep on trying. But he could have never done that to her, not when she was only trying to help.

Suddenly, he heard laughter coming from the trees to the left of the little grotto they had situated themselves in. Kairi's high, piercing voice echoed through the little clearing: _"Oh, I bet _this_ is where they were hiding all morning! Do you think he's kissed her yet, Sora? He likes her, it's so _obvious_..."_

And Sora's voice responded, sounding stunned and confused. _"What? Riku- Riku and Naminè? He'd never- I mean- he _likes_ her?"_

And as they came rushing through the bushes, Riku, angry at Kairi, feeling betrayed by Sora, pulled a startled Naminè over and pressed his lips to hers. (In his mind he could hear Sora's voice, twisted and darker than normal, whispering how he'd already kissed Kairi _three_ times since last...)

He could hear Kairi's giggles as she backed out of the clearing, and only a disbelieving silence from Sora. He stayed like that, hugging Naminè, feeling her body tense and rigid. It was only when Sora gave something akin to a sob and ran out that Naminè slowly and gently, so gently it made Riku want to yell at her again, pushed at his shoulders and drew them apart. They stayed there, still side-by-side, for a few minutes, the confusion of what had just happened hanging heavily over their heads. And then:

"It's okay, Riku. I understand why you did it. And it's okay. I forgive you." She tilted her head and smiled, before tenderly erasing the line the charcoal had made when Riku had pulled her over.

Riku sat there, feeling irrationally angry at Naminè for being so forgiving and disgusted for forcing himself onto her.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. And then he quietly got up, gathered his things, and walked away.

* * *

Sora didn't talk to him for two weeks after that.

They were the two most miserable weeks of Riku's life.

* * *

"_...Hey, Riku? Could I come in?" there was a tap on the window, the clinking of sticks and stones against glass._

"_...Yeah. Come on, Sora." Sora hoisted himself up through the second-story window, clutching onto the tree outside for support._

"_Listen... I'm sorry about before."_

_Riku just resumed staring blankly at the wall._

"_I broke up with Kairi. She shouldn't have gone on like that about you and Naminè. She was way out of line, and she knows it. I'm sorry."_

"_You reckon she does, now?"_

"_Yeah, she does. So, we good? I mean... I'd still like to be your best friend, if you'll have me."_

_For the first time in what seemed like ages, Riku smiled._

"_I- yeah, we're good. And you're the best friend I could ever have, Sora, and you know that."_

"_That... that's good. I missed you a lot."_

_Riku looked at Sora like he wanted to say something important, like the words were stuck in his throat. But finally, he swallowed, before tentatively grinning again._

"_Yeah. I know."

* * *

_

Every day, Riku looks in the mirror and hates what he sees. But then, he feels warm arms wrap around his waist, sees in the reflection the smiling blue eyes, the angelic face resting in the crook of his chin.

_("Why do you always look in the mirror, Riku? Is this some sort of narcissistic kink that you haven't told me about?"_

"_Course not, Sora. In fact... I think I'm getting rid of it. I don't want the mirror anymore.")_

And suddenly, for a moment, everything is perfect.

Perhaps the reflection isn't so bad after all.


End file.
